I don’t know about you but I was a better mother before becoming an actual mother. Maybe you can also relate. I dreamed of being the perfect parent - because let’s be honest, there is a lot of pressure and expectations on us moms. I was going to breastfeed until I was going to back to work at 6 months, I was going to be very patient, understanding, never say “because I say so” or lose my temper, be creative all the time, spend every second with my children super excited, with hardly no screen time, and they would love carrots as snacks, never ignoring them or letting them cry… but parenting has proven to be way more difficult than I ever imagined and I’ve failed miserably at the idea of parenting I once had. I am not that “perfect” mother. I am far from that mother ideal I once had. I am perfectly imperfect and that is ok.

It hasn’t been easy coming to terms with this - I’ve always been very self-driven and a perfectionist - and on many occasions I’ve felt very guilty and a failure. Balancing is tough, when I am working I feel guilty about not being with the kids, when I am with the kids - I feel guilty about the housework and work, when I am doing housework - I feel guilty about the kids or work. I feel like I never win - there is simply too much to do. Sometimes I see other families - especially on Instagram - and they all look so perfect, and happy and enjoying the journey so much that it has many times made me wonder if there was something that I was doing wrong.

Lockdown was particularly difficult. We’ve never been so physically available for our children and at the same time so mentally distant. Not being able to pay attention to them because we had work to do, attend virtual meetings or do chores around the house. It broke my heart and I felt like the worst mom in the world. Because I love my children, but I also love my job - and I don’t enjoy housework but it simply had to be done. One day I even sat them on the sofa to watch Toy Story 1 and by the time I could focus on them again they had already started Toy Story 3. I felt awfully guilty. (I don’t think my husband felt as guilty as I did…). But we were trying to survive that complicated situation and we were doing the best we could.

I was so sucked into the adult world and the proper version of me I had to be, that I forgot what it was to be a child. Just like in the movie Hook where Peter Banning forgot that he once was Peter Pan. After letting go a bit and letting my inner child out I've experienced unforgetable moments with my children. We've danced under the rain, we've got messy and we've created tons of slime. And those days are the ones they remember best!  I strongly believe that when you allow the child you once were to live again it's when you best connect with your children, and I wish to inspire you to reignite that child in you to become the better mom you want to be.

For me It was time to accept that we are not perfect and that there are no perfect parents. Parenting is tough, much tougher than I ever thought it would be, but we are doing the best we can, and that should be enough. We do what we think is best for our children and for our mental health - lets ignore what others might think. We need to help each other, stop judging and share tips, shortcuts and experiences that help us see that we are not alone in this. It's ok if we do not fit with the perfect mom picture we once had, we are the real deal. We are what our children need and wish for. We are perfectly imperfect and that is ok.